The Tomorrow Times
Tomorrow’s news, delivered today. Additional fees may apply.
Before Derek Halloway, protein was something you found in chicken and eggs. After him, it was something you found on the front of a box of frosted toaster pastries.
ConsumerCrypto Millionaire Orders $16,000 Bottle of Wine to Impress Girlfriend, Realizes After First Sip It Tastes Exactly Like the $10 Bottle They Drink at Home
ConsumerLuxury Boutique Employee in $4,000 Suit Has Not Seen a Customer Since 2019, Continues Standing Perfectly Still in Case One Appears
TechnologyPlayer Achieves “Logged In 400 Days in a Row” Badge, Has Not Enjoyed the Game Since Day 3
ConsumerCandy Bar Shrinks for Eighth Straight Year, Now Sold With Magnifying Glass
CorporateCompany Spends $14 Million on New Logo, Unveils Slightly Different Shade of Beige
Private EquityPrivate Equity Firm Acquires Beloved Family Diner, Immediately Identifies Grandma as “Key Cost Center”
TechnologyDeveloper Admits “Bug Fixes and Performance Improvements” Is a Template He Wrote in 2016 and Never Changed
Customer ServiceCustomer Service Line Experiencing Higher Than Normal Call Volume for 17th Consecutive Year
Home FrontMan Crosses One Item Off Wife’s To-Do List, Three New Items Grow in Its Place
Home FrontOld Man Reads Obituaries First Every Morning to Make Sure He Isn't In Them
ConsumerPigs Can't Afford Straw, Sticks, or Bricks, Settle for "Starter Home" That Is a Cardboard Box Listed at $389,000, Wolf Eats All Three